I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
