It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
