we're blogging at a bar
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i've created a new STD.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
