It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
