Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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