That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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