Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
