i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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