I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
