Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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