dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
