She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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