im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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