What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
