Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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