I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
