kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
