felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
