Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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