So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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