She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My balls are so social today.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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