Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
