after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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