Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
