watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
