it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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