Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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