the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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