Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
