do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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