Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
