I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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