I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
