We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
PANTIES FOUND
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