My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
