Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
