Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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