dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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