My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
