there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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