i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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