I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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