His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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