Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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