We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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