Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
