Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
