this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
