okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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