So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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