I hope mine doesn't look like that
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
