You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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