i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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