Cold hands, warm shart.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
