Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You smell like stripper and shame
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
