so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
