I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
