Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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