and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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