I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
