i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
