Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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