No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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