matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
