Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
