he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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