I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
