Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
