i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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