My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Im part way to drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
