Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
